Why yes, I have failed to update here. And the reasons aren't that glamorous.
I've been cooking, and travelling, and sightseeing, and trying to not be sick.
The birthday dinner was a success, although I couldn't actually do all the prep work for it, so Andy had to help with his own dinner. And then I forgot to tell him just how small I needed the pieces of squash to be, so they didn't cook down as much as I would like. Overall, pretty tasty though, and the cheesecake was yummy. We also were really good about not eating it all within a couple days, which is less unhealthy. Go us!
Later that week, we went to a classic car show as a special treat for his birthday. Normally we do a surprise outing for each other's birthdays, but I just couldn't handle doing all the planning and the driving by myself, so he knew what we were doing. It was even better than I had hoped, with lots and lots of cars, which is hard to find out here because classic cars don't handle the salt used during winter. Eventually we'll bring out his '57 Chevy BelAir from California, but we'll need a garage first.
Then we had the joys of cooking lots of food. I took on the organizing of a monthly potluck group at work when the original person left, which means I have to cook for it every month while everyone else just brings something every 3 months. And because we are so talented, we had to both bring a dish. And on top of that, we were hosting the weekly poker game the same day as the potluck. So last Tuesday was spent making a double batch of French onion soup, collard greens, and a pan of corn bread. All of it was yummy, but damn was it inconvenient. And to top it all off, the soup eventually made me nauseous and I kept tasting it again with every burb. Lovely. I'm sure you wanted to know about that too.
Last weekend was much better, seeing as we took off Friday and went to New Jersey for Andy's college roommate's wedding. The drive there was lovely with all the fall colors, and we had a blast seeing all his friends from college. The wedding was lovely, though the reception would have been a tad more fun if I had been able to drink. The most entertaining part was probably when our table was given a picture frame mat (presumably to write nice messages to the newlyweds) and told we had to write on it, even it was just dirty pictures. Dirty pictures, you say? Well hand that puppy over to the perverted, Frisky-tastic pregnant lady and I'll draw an entire dirty comic. Twas fantastic.
While I have been feeling better, I'm still sick sometimes. I seemed to really screw myself over this week, when, Murphy's Law, as soon as I told people I was feeling much better, I got sick again. Luckily, I've finally figured out a comfortable way to get exercise. The hotel last weekend had a pool that was the perfect temperature, so I took a dip in the morning when there weren't any kids splashing around and it was nice to just do laps and some of the exercises from my water aerobics days. So I'll be getting the one swimsuit still available in my size (because I'll take a granny-ish swimdress to be able to get good exercise) and hitting up the local rec center which has an AWESOME pool. And then I can look forward to parent-infant swim classes.
I look pregnant now which feels awesome. I've had strangers ask if I'm pregnant, so I'm less anxious about looking badly overweight. Little One is...I dunno, a mango? Slightly bigger than an orange, but I've seen some enormous oranges in my time, so who knows. I do know that babies are not spherical unless you're in theoretical physics (if that makes any sense to you, you should ask me about my horse racing joke). Baby is moving quite a bit, but I have no idea if I'm feeling anything yet. I could be, but unfortunately I'm the type of person that feels whatever I read about, which makes murder mysteries less fun. It's hard to know if I'm having a "bubble bursting" or "butterflies" or "fluttery" sensation when I immediately imagine it and FEEL it just because I think about it. It's a good skill for acting, but not for inexperienced first time moms.
My due date has been changed. Again. It's back to April 10, and apparently, it won't be moved again. My CNM promises. The first ultrasound alone wouldn't be enough to justify changing the date, but combined with the fact that Clomid tends to cause a slight delay in ovulation, it makes sense. I might not be happy about it around April 8th, but it gives me a few more days to escape induction. Other things from my last appointment: I'm allowed to lie on my back for brief periods. Because evolution wouldn't be so stupid as to make something that easy to do in your sleep be a real risk. We also will be getting a Wii Fit. Because she told us to. Sometimes it's awesome to be pregnant.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Week 14 - Surrepticiously Writing at Work
Is it awful if I'm kind of sick of being pregnant? I feel like I'm stuck with some of the first trimester suckiness still, and don't have the fun of second trimester yet. Yes, it's only been a few days, but nausea seriously blows. It's gotten to the point that I feel overwhelmed whenever it comes up. It's not like it's as frequent as a month or two ago, but when it happens, I feel almost... defeated... all over again, because I can't figure out why it's happening and I don't have enough of an appetite to always eat on schedule. Add in a little stress from daily life and I turn into a pile of goo throwing a tantrum like a toddler. "My tummy hurts and I'm hungry and I don't know what I want *pouty face pouty face pouty face*."
I think what makes it so awful is I expected this to be over. Yes I have energy, but it's still uncomfortable to walk at a pace that even qualifies as mild exercise. Old people are passing me in the hallways at work, and my body is getting restless. I'm tempted to try to find a maternity swimsuit and try swimming, since the movements are generally pretty gentle and non-jarring. I haven't taken another shot at yoga either, for fear of hurting my sciatica.
Adding to my generally tantrum-iness is being kind of emotionally charged lately. Things that just might make me slightly annoyed for a second turn into A BIG DEAL, and afterwards I look back and think, "what the hell was that about?". Likewise, anything that makes me happy makes me practically giddy with joy, which is nice sometimes, but seriously, do I need to get so excited seeing commercials that make me smile? Is the Allstate guy pretending to be a hot girl with a pink headband that funny? Apparently it is. This is fine when I'm happy, but I don't want to feel like I'm PMS-ing all the time, tearing up at the commercials with little kids at Disneyworld or getting really offended because I misunderstand what someone means with an off-hand comment. And it will probably be even worse when the Christmas commercials start-up. [Side note #1: I have a really intense love of all things Christmas related which I attribute to my mom singing carols all the time because she didn't speak German and could only listen to the military radio station for so long. I should keep this in mind before getting an addiction to Justin Timberlake, lest my baby be born wanting to bring sexy back.]
Anywho, on the plus side, my hair has been growing like crazy, so much so that it now falls below my bra. So Friday I am going to cut off 8-10 inches and donate it. I will still have enough to do a ponytail, because my hair is just that freakin long. My nails are also growing a lot, except the one that was torn. So now I have nine awesome looking nails and a kind of stubby one that refuses to grow. Actually it doesn't refuse to grow, it just refuses to grow from the shortest edge, so it looks really bizarre, like I try to make the sides of my nails longer than the middle. Does this even make sense? Of course not. Because I am strange. Just like my nails. Also, I'm still feeling Frisky. Perhaps even more so. But now with better boobs! Yes honey, you got a new and improved model with a pending upgrade to "family". Happy birthday! [Side note #2: it really is his birthday today. I'm pleased to note that I had just enough energy to go shopping for gifts on Sunday and make a chocolate cheesecake yesterday. We'll see how I do on the butternut squash risotto tonight. If all else fails, I can just give him extra cheesecake and put some whipped cream and chocolate sauce on top. (Not like that, you sickos. And I thought *I* had a dirty mind.)]
Apparently babies don't grow consistently enough after the first trimester to describe them as fruit anymore. In all likelihood, there's probably something that roughly describes the size, but it's in a range of 3.25 to 4 inches. I'll go with avocado size, which is probably closer in shape than any of the round fruits have been. Hair is starting to grow (I'm hoping red like Daddy), and Little One can start to hear sounds. Whether this means just my heartbeat and stomach gurgles, or my lovely rendition of the entire soundtrack from Avenue Q, I'm not sure, but I should probably be a little careful about too much "The Internet is for Porn" and the aforementioned Mr. Timberlake. Now, who wants to join me for a pre-Halloween round of carols? No takers? Really? Y'all are no fun. *pouty face pouty face pouty face*
I think what makes it so awful is I expected this to be over. Yes I have energy, but it's still uncomfortable to walk at a pace that even qualifies as mild exercise. Old people are passing me in the hallways at work, and my body is getting restless. I'm tempted to try to find a maternity swimsuit and try swimming, since the movements are generally pretty gentle and non-jarring. I haven't taken another shot at yoga either, for fear of hurting my sciatica.
Adding to my generally tantrum-iness is being kind of emotionally charged lately. Things that just might make me slightly annoyed for a second turn into A BIG DEAL, and afterwards I look back and think, "what the hell was that about?". Likewise, anything that makes me happy makes me practically giddy with joy, which is nice sometimes, but seriously, do I need to get so excited seeing commercials that make me smile? Is the Allstate guy pretending to be a hot girl with a pink headband that funny? Apparently it is. This is fine when I'm happy, but I don't want to feel like I'm PMS-ing all the time, tearing up at the commercials with little kids at Disneyworld or getting really offended because I misunderstand what someone means with an off-hand comment. And it will probably be even worse when the Christmas commercials start-up. [Side note #1: I have a really intense love of all things Christmas related which I attribute to my mom singing carols all the time because she didn't speak German and could only listen to the military radio station for so long. I should keep this in mind before getting an addiction to Justin Timberlake, lest my baby be born wanting to bring sexy back.]
Anywho, on the plus side, my hair has been growing like crazy, so much so that it now falls below my bra. So Friday I am going to cut off 8-10 inches and donate it. I will still have enough to do a ponytail, because my hair is just that freakin long. My nails are also growing a lot, except the one that was torn. So now I have nine awesome looking nails and a kind of stubby one that refuses to grow. Actually it doesn't refuse to grow, it just refuses to grow from the shortest edge, so it looks really bizarre, like I try to make the sides of my nails longer than the middle. Does this even make sense? Of course not. Because I am strange. Just like my nails. Also, I'm still feeling Frisky. Perhaps even more so. But now with better boobs! Yes honey, you got a new and improved model with a pending upgrade to "family". Happy birthday! [Side note #2: it really is his birthday today. I'm pleased to note that I had just enough energy to go shopping for gifts on Sunday and make a chocolate cheesecake yesterday. We'll see how I do on the butternut squash risotto tonight. If all else fails, I can just give him extra cheesecake and put some whipped cream and chocolate sauce on top. (Not like that, you sickos. And I thought *I* had a dirty mind.)]
Apparently babies don't grow consistently enough after the first trimester to describe them as fruit anymore. In all likelihood, there's probably something that roughly describes the size, but it's in a range of 3.25 to 4 inches. I'll go with avocado size, which is probably closer in shape than any of the round fruits have been. Hair is starting to grow (I'm hoping red like Daddy), and Little One can start to hear sounds. Whether this means just my heartbeat and stomach gurgles, or my lovely rendition of the entire soundtrack from Avenue Q, I'm not sure, but I should probably be a little careful about too much "The Internet is for Porn" and the aforementioned Mr. Timberlake. Now, who wants to join me for a pre-Halloween round of carols? No takers? Really? Y'all are no fun. *pouty face pouty face pouty face*
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Week 13 - I've Almost Made It Out Alive
Sooooo, this is a post that I fell asleep in middle of writing up a couple days ago and didn't get back to until today. Because I am awesome! Enjoy...
Just one more day and I'll be DONE with my first trimester. It's gone by so fast! Though I guess it helps that the first 5 weeks were secret, so really 8 weeks. With 6 Weeks of Nausea. Oh yes, I will certainly be holding that against you, Little One, when you ask why I'm being so mean to you and not letting you do anything. Because you were mean to me first! Luckily that's pretty much done, even when I'm getting hungry. I won't consider it over though until I can be in the car for more than half an hour without getting nauseous. Which is fun when getting to work generally takes 35-45 minutes.
Results of my last doctor's visit: apparently the random pains and twinges I've been having low on my abdomen are Round Ligament Pains. I totally thought that was something I would feel at my sides, rather than on either side of my uterus. Guess we'll see what else I was wrong about... apparently giving birth is not in fact a walk in the park either. I FEEL MISLED PEOPLE. next someone is going to tell me that fireflies are real. (oh wait, that's just what I thought before visiting the east coast. seeing as California is pretty much too cold in the evenings for them, I never saw them and thought they were something like jackelopes. Also, I was pretty gullible as a kid, so this is even more ridiculous than it sounds.) Also, I get to have a flu shot. BOOOO. no fun. and then I get to do my glucose testing at my next appointment (a tad early, I'm at risk because of the PCOS and my mom's history of gestational diabetes with my brother) so I get a day off from work. YAY. despite the nasty stuff I'll have to drink and the blood tests.
I tried Prenatal Yoga today. It was fine until I either pinched my sciatic nerve or put too much pressure on my pelvic bursa trying to do a squat. Pain with yoga generally means STOP NOW, so of course I tried to push through it, which lasted about 2 minutes and left me really frustrated. It was so relaxing when I was just listening to/watching the DVD before trying it out, so I had really high hopes. I might try it again and just skip the parts that cause me pain, but right now I feel like a failure because really, how hard is prenatal yoga supposed to be? That's like struggling with the water aerobics class full of senior citizens (actually, I really enjoyed that class - far superior to having to do gym at my high school). side note - I am far too generous with the parentheses. I wonder what this says about me other than my tendency to get sidetracked on minor detours.
Little One is about the size of a peach now. Though definitely not as round as one. This also explains why I seem to have bulged in the last couple weeks and look quite prego indeed. Vocal chords are developing, and the head is about half the size of it's total body. Apparently it's starting to look more human-ish, which is good considering the ultrasound had me convinced that I was in fact growing an alien (the better to have a John Hurt moment with). Umm right, ultrasound pictures. They'll be up...soon-ish. But I'm going to post this now instead of falling asleep too early. Again.
Just one more day and I'll be DONE with my first trimester. It's gone by so fast! Though I guess it helps that the first 5 weeks were secret, so really 8 weeks. With 6 Weeks of Nausea. Oh yes, I will certainly be holding that against you, Little One, when you ask why I'm being so mean to you and not letting you do anything. Because you were mean to me first! Luckily that's pretty much done, even when I'm getting hungry. I won't consider it over though until I can be in the car for more than half an hour without getting nauseous. Which is fun when getting to work generally takes 35-45 minutes.
Results of my last doctor's visit: apparently the random pains and twinges I've been having low on my abdomen are Round Ligament Pains. I totally thought that was something I would feel at my sides, rather than on either side of my uterus. Guess we'll see what else I was wrong about... apparently giving birth is not in fact a walk in the park either. I FEEL MISLED PEOPLE. next someone is going to tell me that fireflies are real. (oh wait, that's just what I thought before visiting the east coast. seeing as California is pretty much too cold in the evenings for them, I never saw them and thought they were something like jackelopes. Also, I was pretty gullible as a kid, so this is even more ridiculous than it sounds.) Also, I get to have a flu shot. BOOOO. no fun. and then I get to do my glucose testing at my next appointment (a tad early, I'm at risk because of the PCOS and my mom's history of gestational diabetes with my brother) so I get a day off from work. YAY. despite the nasty stuff I'll have to drink and the blood tests.
I tried Prenatal Yoga today. It was fine until I either pinched my sciatic nerve or put too much pressure on my pelvic bursa trying to do a squat. Pain with yoga generally means STOP NOW, so of course I tried to push through it, which lasted about 2 minutes and left me really frustrated. It was so relaxing when I was just listening to/watching the DVD before trying it out, so I had really high hopes. I might try it again and just skip the parts that cause me pain, but right now I feel like a failure because really, how hard is prenatal yoga supposed to be? That's like struggling with the water aerobics class full of senior citizens (actually, I really enjoyed that class - far superior to having to do gym at my high school). side note - I am far too generous with the parentheses. I wonder what this says about me other than my tendency to get sidetracked on minor detours.
Little One is about the size of a peach now. Though definitely not as round as one. This also explains why I seem to have bulged in the last couple weeks and look quite prego indeed. Vocal chords are developing, and the head is about half the size of it's total body. Apparently it's starting to look more human-ish, which is good considering the ultrasound had me convinced that I was in fact growing an alien (the better to have a John Hurt moment with). Umm right, ultrasound pictures. They'll be up...soon-ish. But I'm going to post this now instead of falling asleep too early. Again.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Birth Plan - The Beginning
This is, at first glance and without much deliberation, the initial form of What I Want When I Give Birth. A lot of this hasn't even been discussed with the main people helping me (as in, my husband, my mother, and my doctor/midwife), so right now, it's literally an uninfluenced contemplation. And a lot of it is probably going to change over time. But I figure I have at least 25 weeks to play around with it.
First and foremost, I don't want a circus. There were about 7 other people in the room when my mom gave birth to my little brother, and it was perfect for her and for our family. But I know from that experience I don't want a lot of people there. I tend to get overwhelmed when I'm in pain and surrounded by a crowd, no matter how supportive everyone is trying to be. Maybe I'll feel differently based on how big the room is, but I think knowing myself and how I handle stress is important.
Knowing that, the only people I want present (for now) are my doctor or midwife (preferably a midwife), my husband, and my mom. Midwife and husband for the obvious reasons, and my mom because she is a nurse. And not just a nurse, but a kick-ass ICU nurse who makes this amazing shift into a thoroughly professional yet still protective and supportive medical goddess even when she is nursing family members. I saw it most when my dad's father was in hospice at the end of his fight with cancer, and it still puts me in total awe how it is so clearly what she is meant to do with her life. Plus, she's my mom, and who doesn't want maternal support in such an amazing moment?
Next biggie: no epidurals. I have no issue with other pain relief, I have no desire to be a martyr. But after being numbed from the waist down and having a ginormous needle in between vertebrae for a spinal tap (bad infection in college that was suspected meningitis, which it wasn't but they never actually figured out what the hell was wrong with me), I have no interest in doing it again. I panicked from the psychological effects of suddenly having no feeling, and I don't need that during labor. I talked this over with one of the OB's, and she tried to tell me that I should keep my options open because "it's easy to say that at 11 weeks". Umm, I was 13 weeks lady, and trust me, this is not just about wanting a natural birth. I half-fainted from having a cortisone shot in the joint where my pelvis meets my spine. I DO NOT LIKE SHOTS IN MY BACK. So I'm kind of hoping she's not on call for deliveries when I'm in the hospital.
Another idea I've been toying with so that I don't have to deal with someone pushing me to do something I'm committed to holding off on is the use of a safeword. As in, a word (more traditionally used in kink situations - TMI?) that is not used unless and until whatever situation I am in has gone beyond the point I can deal with it and I am now deviating from my plan. The reason I want to use this is so I can express whatever pain I'm in (or be unable to express much of anything) while giving my team the confidence that I'm okay and I want to continue as is. It would be far too easy to have someone asking "are you sure she doesn't want an epidural?" and have my mom or Andy unsure whether I do or not, and ending up going a direction I don't want.
As a result of my no epidural plan, I will be looking at as many pain management techniques as possible. Part of this will probably involve meditation with a focus on water. I love water. I feel at ease in water and it really soothes me. If I could have a complete water birth, I would, but my insurance doesn't cover it and it would have to be a home birth since Virginia is lacking in water birth facilities, which isn't necessarily what I'm interested in. If I were in California, this wouldn't even be an issue, since there are plenty out there. Alas, I'm here, where home birth is practically illegal, which is just crazy to wrap my head around since my landlord had a home birth literally above my head (in her bedroom over the studio I rented in Berkeley). Anywho, I still want water involved, even if just comes in the form of one of those table-top waterfall/fountains so I can focus on the flowing water.
Other stuff: I do not want to be kept from eating or drinking. Chances are I will have a long labor, and going more than 12 hours without food is just a recipe for cranky disaster. I sure as hell do not want photographs, or worse, video, until Little One is outside me. It's the same reason I didn't have the photographer in my dressing room when I got married - far too personal of a moment, and I don't want the intrusion of that "other presence" to capture what probably will be one of my most intense experiences.
Those are the biggies for right now. There will definitely be more, but this is already plenty long-winded as is.
First and foremost, I don't want a circus. There were about 7 other people in the room when my mom gave birth to my little brother, and it was perfect for her and for our family. But I know from that experience I don't want a lot of people there. I tend to get overwhelmed when I'm in pain and surrounded by a crowd, no matter how supportive everyone is trying to be. Maybe I'll feel differently based on how big the room is, but I think knowing myself and how I handle stress is important.
Knowing that, the only people I want present (for now) are my doctor or midwife (preferably a midwife), my husband, and my mom. Midwife and husband for the obvious reasons, and my mom because she is a nurse. And not just a nurse, but a kick-ass ICU nurse who makes this amazing shift into a thoroughly professional yet still protective and supportive medical goddess even when she is nursing family members. I saw it most when my dad's father was in hospice at the end of his fight with cancer, and it still puts me in total awe how it is so clearly what she is meant to do with her life. Plus, she's my mom, and who doesn't want maternal support in such an amazing moment?
Next biggie: no epidurals. I have no issue with other pain relief, I have no desire to be a martyr. But after being numbed from the waist down and having a ginormous needle in between vertebrae for a spinal tap (bad infection in college that was suspected meningitis, which it wasn't but they never actually figured out what the hell was wrong with me), I have no interest in doing it again. I panicked from the psychological effects of suddenly having no feeling, and I don't need that during labor. I talked this over with one of the OB's, and she tried to tell me that I should keep my options open because "it's easy to say that at 11 weeks". Umm, I was 13 weeks lady, and trust me, this is not just about wanting a natural birth. I half-fainted from having a cortisone shot in the joint where my pelvis meets my spine. I DO NOT LIKE SHOTS IN MY BACK. So I'm kind of hoping she's not on call for deliveries when I'm in the hospital.
Another idea I've been toying with so that I don't have to deal with someone pushing me to do something I'm committed to holding off on is the use of a safeword. As in, a word (more traditionally used in kink situations - TMI?) that is not used unless and until whatever situation I am in has gone beyond the point I can deal with it and I am now deviating from my plan. The reason I want to use this is so I can express whatever pain I'm in (or be unable to express much of anything) while giving my team the confidence that I'm okay and I want to continue as is. It would be far too easy to have someone asking "are you sure she doesn't want an epidural?" and have my mom or Andy unsure whether I do or not, and ending up going a direction I don't want.
As a result of my no epidural plan, I will be looking at as many pain management techniques as possible. Part of this will probably involve meditation with a focus on water. I love water. I feel at ease in water and it really soothes me. If I could have a complete water birth, I would, but my insurance doesn't cover it and it would have to be a home birth since Virginia is lacking in water birth facilities, which isn't necessarily what I'm interested in. If I were in California, this wouldn't even be an issue, since there are plenty out there. Alas, I'm here, where home birth is practically illegal, which is just crazy to wrap my head around since my landlord had a home birth literally above my head (in her bedroom over the studio I rented in Berkeley). Anywho, I still want water involved, even if just comes in the form of one of those table-top waterfall/fountains so I can focus on the flowing water.
Other stuff: I do not want to be kept from eating or drinking. Chances are I will have a long labor, and going more than 12 hours without food is just a recipe for cranky disaster. I sure as hell do not want photographs, or worse, video, until Little One is outside me. It's the same reason I didn't have the photographer in my dressing room when I got married - far too personal of a moment, and I don't want the intrusion of that "other presence" to capture what probably will be one of my most intense experiences.
Those are the biggies for right now. There will definitely be more, but this is already plenty long-winded as is.
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