I did it.
It wasn't the most amazing run ever (I completed it in 44:11, which is a 14:22 pace), but I learned a lot about racing and about my own strength. And in hindsight, I've seen just how strong I've become over the last six months, how far I've moved beyond the expectations I held for myself before I started running.
About 6 weeks before the race, Andy had a chance to observe me running. He ran cross-country in high school, and his input and support when I faced a new challenge had been one of the best things to keep me going when I wanted to give up or go back to easier intervals. He watched me struggle on a day when my muscles were simply not cooperating, and told me that my pace was more of a trot than a run and with a tiny bit more effort, I could see much better speeds. A true run was something I'd never done in my life, and my body refused to keep it up for more than a minute or two without dropping down to a walk. So I regrouped, started the C25K program all over again, and built myself up to running 8 minute intervals with 5 minute walking breaks, repeated long enough to finish five kilometers. I was nervous, but I eventually worked up (down?) to having a 5K training run completed in less than 44 minutes. With my former slow trot, it would have taken me about 50 minutes to complete, so that difference is astounding.
My sister had a medical emergency the day before my race, so I was a bit rattled going in. She's fine now, but my thoughts kept going back and forth between worry that something similar would happen to me and feeling like I needed to push myself for her sake, because a 5K isn't something she could be doing any time soon in her state.
Once the race started, I pushed too hard, trying to keep up with everyone around me. My original back-of-the-pack placement turned out to be more in the middle as people filed in behind me, and the effort to keep up made me grab a water bottle. Having never, ever had water in the middle of the run, I learned very quickly that it's a good way to get a side stitch. My usual intervals were completely blown, and gradually it devolved into running half-heartedly from time to time and a lot of walking. I was nearly in tears at one point because I was so sure that I had blown it, I couldn't possibly finish under my goal time of 45:00. But there were great cheerleaders (including Andy and Brianna, at several spots along the route), and at the end I was able to give it everything I had. I sprinted for the finish line, and as I cooled down, Andy told me my gun time was 45:08. Definitely well within 45:00 for my chip.
I took a break from running for most of November. We went on a CRUISE (it was so awesome!!!) a couple weeks after the race, and when we returned it was so much colder that my asthma flared up when I tried to run. I eased back into things and now I'm back to training to run 3 miles straight without walking breaks. My goal is to do a spring race with a 13:00 pace or better (which race I'll do is TBD). As of today, I've built up to 17 minutes straight at a 12:45 pace.
The progress I've made is sometimes hard to believe when I look back on what I've done. I often feel discouraged, that I'll never get to move beyond whatever I'm up against. But six months ago, I didn't think I could run for a minute even if I tried. Six months ago, I couldn't fit clothes outside of the plus-size section in a store. Six months ago, I thought I was doomed to an obese life, a world where I didn't have enough energy for all the things I wanted to experience and I couldn't really, truly be proud of every part of me. And now I know that's not true, not even a little bit.
But really this little girl is what I run for. So she always knows how strong her mama is and that she is strong too:
Because nothing says love like demanding to wear Mama's sweaty hoodie after a run.
