A Pause

It's been awhile since anything has shown up here, and there's a fairly simple answer with generally pleasant consequences. Alas, I am not pregnant yet, but I'm okay with that, and here's why.

After finishing my scrip for Provera, I had a few days of not-quite-actually spotting, and then a real, honest-to-goodness, pull-out-the-chocolate, I'm-bleeding-like-a-stuck-pig period. It was more painful than I remember mine being, but then again, it had been 8 years since my last "normal" cycle. Also, I'm a little scared about what "ultra" tampons are like since the super plus were literally the size of my thumb. No kidding, they surprised me into actually comparing against my own. Wow. But getting off that tangent, I also was pleased that everything stopped a week after it started, and the last couple days were actually really light. So it was a bit of one extreme to another, but nothing unexpected. My uterus didn't collapse or shrivel up and die. I didn't bleed for three weeks straight after 3 months with no period (like when I was 16 and my doctor figured out I had PCOS). And more importantly I didn't NOT bleed, which was possibly an even more terrifying thought because it would mean that I needed more help to get going with a regular cycle.

Yet after having that happy result, husband and I have decided to not try aggressively yet, for multiple reasons. The first of which is that I'm going to Hungary with my mom and sister (SWEET!) over Easter, and quite frankly, I'd rather be depressed about not being prego than missing the adventure because of morning sickness. And who knows what kind of help I'd be able to find for that while I'm there, even if my mom is a nurse. The other reason we're not pushing on it is that I have a big project coming up at work, the kind of thing that has me working 50-65 hour weeks without overtime pay for a solid 5-6 weeks. Every time I've worked on this project, it's a big ego/career boost because the work I do is highly appreciated and often results in a lot more visiblity, responsibility, and/or a bonus. There's also the downside of not getting to the gym, barely being at home on weekends, and eating like shit because I'm at work until 10 and either eat fast food or processed stuff that is easy to consume at work. Smart Ones are not all that filling or veggie-tastic, and the pull to go the vending machine is strong (tangent #2!). The final reason we're holding off on whipping out the ovulation predictor kits is that, quite frankly, they're not cheap, and I'm not regular enough in my cycles or desperate enough to throw down $40 every month on that.

So where does that leave us? For now, we'll be having sex when we feel like it, especially non-procreative stuff, and not feeling pressure to go for stuff when we're not both into it. I'll still enjoy occassional small drinks, and I'll be watching and hoping for my period to start around the 6th. If nothing within a week, I'll pee on a stick and either be excited or enjoy a glass of wine on Valentine's Day. Luckily I know enough to not test the day of. Life will continue while I wait for Easter to come and go, though now I have to figure out what I'm doing for V-Day with the hubby. For now, this can just become my ranting and random thoughts zone.