Birth Plan - The Beginning

This is, at first glance and without much deliberation, the initial form of What I Want When I Give Birth. A lot of this hasn't even been discussed with the main people helping me (as in, my husband, my mother, and my doctor/midwife), so right now, it's literally an uninfluenced contemplation. And a lot of it is probably going to change over time. But I figure I have at least 25 weeks to play around with it.

First and foremost, I don't want a circus. There were about 7 other people in the room when my mom gave birth to my little brother, and it was perfect for her and for our family. But I know from that experience I don't want a lot of people there. I tend to get overwhelmed when I'm in pain and surrounded by a crowd, no matter how supportive everyone is trying to be. Maybe I'll feel differently based on how big the room is, but I think knowing myself and how I handle stress is important.

Knowing that, the only people I want present (for now) are my doctor or midwife (preferably a midwife), my husband, and my mom. Midwife and husband for the obvious reasons, and my mom because she is a nurse. And not just a nurse, but a kick-ass ICU nurse who makes this amazing shift into a thoroughly professional yet still protective and supportive medical goddess even when she is nursing family members. I saw it most when my dad's father was in hospice at the end of his fight with cancer, and it still puts me in total awe how it is so clearly what she is meant to do with her life. Plus, she's my mom, and who doesn't want maternal support in such an amazing moment?

Next biggie: no epidurals. I have no issue with other pain relief, I have no desire to be a martyr. But after being numbed from the waist down and having a ginormous needle in between vertebrae for a spinal tap (bad infection in college that was suspected meningitis, which it wasn't but they never actually figured out what the hell was wrong with me), I have no interest in doing it again. I panicked from the psychological effects of suddenly having no feeling, and I don't need that during labor. I talked this over with one of the OB's, and she tried to tell me that I should keep my options open because "it's easy to say that at 11 weeks". Umm, I was 13 weeks lady, and trust me, this is not just about wanting a natural birth. I half-fainted from having a cortisone shot in the joint where my pelvis meets my spine. I DO NOT LIKE SHOTS IN MY BACK. So I'm kind of hoping she's not on call for deliveries when I'm in the hospital.

Another idea I've been toying with so that I don't have to deal with someone pushing me to do something I'm committed to holding off on is the use of a safeword. As in, a word (more traditionally used in kink situations - TMI?) that is not used unless and until whatever situation I am in has gone beyond the point I can deal with it and I am now deviating from my plan. The reason I want to use this is so I can express whatever pain I'm in (or be unable to express much of anything) while giving my team the confidence that I'm okay and I want to continue as is. It would be far too easy to have someone asking "are you sure she doesn't want an epidural?" and have my mom or Andy unsure whether I do or not, and ending up going a direction I don't want.

As a result of my no epidural plan, I will be looking at as many pain management techniques as possible. Part of this will probably involve meditation with a focus on water. I love water. I feel at ease in water and it really soothes me. If I could have a complete water birth, I would, but my insurance doesn't cover it and it would have to be a home birth since Virginia is lacking in water birth facilities, which isn't necessarily what I'm interested in. If I were in California, this wouldn't even be an issue, since there are plenty out there. Alas, I'm here, where home birth is practically illegal, which is just crazy to wrap my head around since my landlord had a home birth literally above my head (in her bedroom over the studio I rented in Berkeley). Anywho, I still want water involved, even if just comes in the form of one of those table-top waterfall/fountains so I can focus on the flowing water.

Other stuff: I do not want to be kept from eating or drinking. Chances are I will have a long labor, and going more than 12 hours without food is just a recipe for cranky disaster. I sure as hell do not want photographs, or worse, video, until Little One is outside me. It's the same reason I didn't have the photographer in my dressing room when I got married - far too personal of a moment, and I don't want the intrusion of that "other presence" to capture what probably will be one of my most intense experiences.

Those are the biggies for right now. There will definitely be more, but this is already plenty long-winded as is.