A Pause

It's been awhile since anything has shown up here, and there's a fairly simple answer with generally pleasant consequences. Alas, I am not pregnant yet, but I'm okay with that, and here's why.

After finishing my scrip for Provera, I had a few days of not-quite-actually spotting, and then a real, honest-to-goodness, pull-out-the-chocolate, I'm-bleeding-like-a-stuck-pig period. It was more painful than I remember mine being, but then again, it had been 8 years since my last "normal" cycle. Also, I'm a little scared about what "ultra" tampons are like since the super plus were literally the size of my thumb. No kidding, they surprised me into actually comparing against my own. Wow. But getting off that tangent, I also was pleased that everything stopped a week after it started, and the last couple days were actually really light. So it was a bit of one extreme to another, but nothing unexpected. My uterus didn't collapse or shrivel up and die. I didn't bleed for three weeks straight after 3 months with no period (like when I was 16 and my doctor figured out I had PCOS). And more importantly I didn't NOT bleed, which was possibly an even more terrifying thought because it would mean that I needed more help to get going with a regular cycle.

Yet after having that happy result, husband and I have decided to not try aggressively yet, for multiple reasons. The first of which is that I'm going to Hungary with my mom and sister (SWEET!) over Easter, and quite frankly, I'd rather be depressed about not being prego than missing the adventure because of morning sickness. And who knows what kind of help I'd be able to find for that while I'm there, even if my mom is a nurse. The other reason we're not pushing on it is that I have a big project coming up at work, the kind of thing that has me working 50-65 hour weeks without overtime pay for a solid 5-6 weeks. Every time I've worked on this project, it's a big ego/career boost because the work I do is highly appreciated and often results in a lot more visiblity, responsibility, and/or a bonus. There's also the downside of not getting to the gym, barely being at home on weekends, and eating like shit because I'm at work until 10 and either eat fast food or processed stuff that is easy to consume at work. Smart Ones are not all that filling or veggie-tastic, and the pull to go the vending machine is strong (tangent #2!). The final reason we're holding off on whipping out the ovulation predictor kits is that, quite frankly, they're not cheap, and I'm not regular enough in my cycles or desperate enough to throw down $40 every month on that.

So where does that leave us? For now, we'll be having sex when we feel like it, especially non-procreative stuff, and not feeling pressure to go for stuff when we're not both into it. I'll still enjoy occassional small drinks, and I'll be watching and hoping for my period to start around the 6th. If nothing within a week, I'll pee on a stick and either be excited or enjoy a glass of wine on Valentine's Day. Luckily I know enough to not test the day of. Life will continue while I wait for Easter to come and go, though now I have to figure out what I'm doing for V-Day with the hubby. For now, this can just become my ranting and random thoughts zone.

Weeeee - Roller Coasters R Us

My period started. Sort of. Kinda. A little bit.

I wonder if that's anything like being kinda pregnant?

New Year's Day brought me a little tiny bit of bleeding. Barely even spotting. And by the afternoon it seemed to be a real period. (I can't believe how excited I am about this. but PCOS makes everything... unpredictable.) I was hoping it meant I wouldn't have to subject myself to the Provera to get what I want, but by evening there wasn't even a real trickle, so I started it anyway.

Three days later I'm not really sure what to make of my body. I've had various levels of spotting over the last four days, and it's a bit of let down. For a moment I felt a certain amount of triumph in the knowledge that I was on the verge, and a little patience was all I needed. Maybe not so much. I'll give it until the last dose is complete, and see what happens. Basically, I'll give my body a week to figure out whatever the hell is going on, and if it still doesn't make sense in a week, I'll make an appointment with an OB/GYN.

And now off for my regular exercise, assuming the dog doesn't get out into the cold and say "Oh hell no beeotch. I'm freezing and it's time for us to turn around."

Getting Healthy

About a week I was thinking of what kind of goal I could make that would push me to get exercising on a regular basis. Walking a 5K (for a cause or not) by June seems like a good way to go since I've done 2.5 miles on lake-side trail without much problem. First I'll go for walking an hour straight, and see where I go from there. Maybe this will be laughably easy, but I've learned in the past week that setting realistic goals and expectations is the best course for my sanity. I'm pretty sure there are several 5K events before summer turns things muggy as hell (and I do mean that literally) around July, so doing this by June should be attainable.

Depending on how I do, I'll eventually up the ante. Maybe running a little? I haven't really tried running since I had pelvic adjustments in physical therapy to correct a tilted and rotated pelvis (causing different leg lengths and a kinda funky gait), so maybe it will be easier now. Who knows. Alternatively, if I still have the grace of a maimed hippo while running, I can work towards a 10K, which sounds mighty fine for a goal.

So for now I'll be doing 1 mile loops 3-5 times a week with my pug to keep us both exercised, 30-60 minutes at the gym 2-3 times a week, and trying to add squats when I feel inspired. Because nothing builds your legs like squats, and I can (theoretically) do them anywhere anytime.