So I got my ultrasound on Monday. There are no aliens, just Little One with a tiny yolk sac and a really fast heartbeat. Holding Andy's hand while watching it flash on the screen was when everything really hit home for me. Yes, this is real, and yes, we are having a baby. The date has been adjusted to April 10th, though I don't really have high hopes for giving birth within a week of then anyway. Knowing my mom's history, I'll probably be 9-11 days late. Unfortunately, this also means my baby could share Hitler's birthday or the anniversary of my dad's death. How's that for morbid thinking? I suspect my doctors will try to move things along before then, which will get a hearty two thumbs up from me.
All this means I'm now officially 8 weeks pregnant, and Little One is the size of a raspberry or a kidney bean, depending on who you ask. Just one Little One, so no Little Too or even a Little Three to make life hectic. Probably best that way, but I'm pretty sure it will be a little while before I entertain the possibility of a second baby, given the way morning sickness made me feel so utterly rotten the last couple weeks. I wouldn't wish this nausea on anyone. The 4 pounds I've lost because I barely ate while my stomach was being ridiculous? I'll take that and be happy. It also gives me a little leeway for later one, which I'll need considering the restrictions the doctors will probably put on me for optimal weight gain. You would never tell that I lost weight though, because I'm totally showing and unfortunately look about 4 months pregnant when I'm bloated instead of two. Sometimes I can get away with my pre-pregnancy clothes, but it's less of an issue now because...
I finally found clothes! In my size! And they're not ugly! Wooo! In fact, Andy managed to find petite plus size pants, so I don't even need to get my jeans hemmed. It's fabulous, and totally comfy. Thank you Susan, your card totally worked and cheered me up for shopping! I even got some only-slightly-granny panty style undies, which is preferable to the "I am asexual now that I am pregnant and must cover every inch of my bottom and then some" version that was also available. Luckily I've pretty well deduced my size and what not, so I can order online instead of driving all the way out to Bethesda or Waldorf (so much further than Pentagon City). Also, are there simply no plus size pregnant women in Virginia?? Because Maryland has at least three malls with plus-size maternity clothes, and the nearest one in Virginia is Fredericksburg. Ain't no way I'm driving down 95 on a Saturday to get clothes with an elastic band sewn in, no way, no how. And now I don't have to, since I got two pairs of jeans and two pairs of work pants, and two shirts and a long-sleeve shirt for when it starts to get cool. But the next time I go shopping, I will definitely take advantage of any "Parking for Expectant Mothers" spaces available. Andy suggested we snag one, but I felt so guilty because what if a woman who's 7 months along needs to go shopping and she has to struggle all the way back to her car because *I* took her spot? Then we had to leave early because I got tired and I realized, oh, I guess this is also useful for those first trimester-exhausted women. Good to know for next time.
In addition to some cute new pants and basic shirts, I have the most comfy shoes I have ever owned, and they're totally cute and feminine and feel like SLIPPERS. Literally, complete with that nice soft sole that's like wearing a terrycloth sock, but with ribbon and a bow. How cool is that? Even my sister who complains about my boring fashion sense thought they were cute. And how can you refuse your doctor when he tells you to get better shoes? He took one look at my sandals with a nice pointed heel while walking out the door after our initial appointment so I could get dressed, and stopped dead, turned to me and said, "You're going to need new shoes. Those will kill your feet really soon." He then kept walking and damn was he right. So Zappo's has another happy customer and I have slippers that I can wear to work.
Also much better is the fact that I'm not sick as badly. Apparently the doctor also wasn't kidding when he told me to eat foods that appeal to me. As someone who has struggled with trying to not eat ice cream every day in a row until it's all gone whenever we buy it, this is a bit of a mindf*ck. I keep arguing with myself about whether I really should have it since I had it every day for the last week, even though I know I need to get extra calories and the calcium isn't a bad addition either. It's just so hard to get past the messages I had finally internalized about keeping everything balanced and indulging only in strict moderation. I hadn't realized until now that my relationship with food isn't as healthy as I assumed. Luckily I've also finally realized that if I snack on something before I get hungry, I won't get nauseous and then I can actually eat tiny portions of whatever Andy is also eating for a meal. Occasionally it gets frustrating that I have to live so much around remembering when I last ate and how much of it, but it's worth the alternative.
And in my final round of "Did you really want to know that?", not having much morning sickness has made me... friskier, shall we say? As in, I feel like a teenager who knows how much fun it can be but isn't getting any. Except that isn't exactly the case, Andy's thoroughly enjoying this. However, there are only so many times I can give him the wink, wink, nudge, nudge before he tells me I'm on my own. And the bastard is going to be gone next weekend at a bachelor party. Doesn't he know you're supposed to indulge pregnant women? (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, honey...)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Week 7 - Should I Really Be Showing Already?
Today marks 7 weeks and one day, and I feel like caca. Morning sickness pretty much all day. I'm still not puking, but I can't help but wonder if I'd feel a bit better if I just forced it. Eventually I would probably bemoan the damage to my esophagus, but for now I just want it to be over. One of my bosses is completely sympathetic, the other doesn't seem to realize that walking around can make me nauseous. Gee, thanks for calling me into your office again. I know it's only 20 feet, but it's pure torture, especially when your question is really not that important.
A coworker guessed that I'm pregnant today. After being out Thursday and still feeling crappy today, and seeing me having a pickle and ginger ale, plus knowing that we had been trying since last fall, she put two and two together, and got really excited for me. I'm hoping it's not obvious to everyone else just yet, because I really wanted to wait another couple of weeks to announce it at work.
Another thing that makes me queasy? Pants that are too tight, because my belly has grown. I really don't think it's because I'm showing yet, but there's definitely a difference that doesn't seem to be weight gain. I'm thinner along my sides, and I just can't see how I gained while barely eating. We don't keep scales around here, so I can't even check to see how I did compared to two weeks ago. But the growth is mostly in my upper belly, so...maybe I'm just "redistributing"?
Either way, I'm just about ready for maternity clothes. Unfortunately, getting pants a size or two too big just won't cut it. I looked, I tried them on, I looked like shit. So onwards to Target to see if I fit into the XXL maternity pants. And now I can joke about having my own line of clothes at Target (Liz Lange for the win!! totally scared the bejeezus out of me in college though...). If even those don't fit, I get to drive an hour or so into Maryland to find the few Motherhood Maternity stores that carry plus sizes.
Please god, let that at least work for me. I went into A Pea in the Pod and asked if their largest size was an extra-large or an extra-extra-large. The woman who worked there sort of looked confused and said they only went up to large. I was mortified. I hate the attitude that plus size women should just go up a size when they get pregnant, as though we aren't deserving of adorable shirts that show off a rounded belly. Oh silly me, don't you know that plus size woman don't get pregnant, who would even want to have sex with someone who's (gasp) overweight? And how can you tell if it's a cute prego belly, or just gross rolls of fat? I'm joking, but only sort of. It's hard not to feel that way when already nothing fits and I'm barely pregnant.
I had my sister with me for moral support and fashion advice while shopping, and that helped a lot. I didn't get hung up on whether something looked unflattering (I have no fashion instinct, whatsoever), because I knew she would tell me if it was, which meant I could just focus on whether I liked it or not. We found some great shirts that would leave me room for a month or two until the weather gets too cold, plus a great dress to wear to our friends' wedding in two months. I'll want some cute satiny ballet flats and a nice wrap, and it'll be totally perfect!! But no pants yet. *insert emo sigh here* The belly bands that everybody raves about as a way to keep wearing your pants longer? Yeah...apparently they only come in S/M or M/L, which I am not. In the slightest sense possible.
Little One is blueberry sized now, so we'll start working our way through the produce department. I can't really think of any fruit that's bigger than a pineapple, but I think if you consider the leaves, that'll be close-ish enough. And thanks to my early followers, you make me feel so special!
Ultrasound is on Monday. We'll find out if we're having twins (which would sort of explain the sudden growth issue) and confirm the due date. I guess this sort of also implicitly covers the unhappy possibility of a molar (which could also explain early growth) or ectopic pregnancy. I'll feel so much better when we've had a chance to see Little One. I think everything will finally seem real in every way, rather than just the tired queasy way.
A coworker guessed that I'm pregnant today. After being out Thursday and still feeling crappy today, and seeing me having a pickle and ginger ale, plus knowing that we had been trying since last fall, she put two and two together, and got really excited for me. I'm hoping it's not obvious to everyone else just yet, because I really wanted to wait another couple of weeks to announce it at work.
Another thing that makes me queasy? Pants that are too tight, because my belly has grown. I really don't think it's because I'm showing yet, but there's definitely a difference that doesn't seem to be weight gain. I'm thinner along my sides, and I just can't see how I gained while barely eating. We don't keep scales around here, so I can't even check to see how I did compared to two weeks ago. But the growth is mostly in my upper belly, so...maybe I'm just "redistributing"?
Either way, I'm just about ready for maternity clothes. Unfortunately, getting pants a size or two too big just won't cut it. I looked, I tried them on, I looked like shit. So onwards to Target to see if I fit into the XXL maternity pants. And now I can joke about having my own line of clothes at Target (Liz Lange for the win!! totally scared the bejeezus out of me in college though...). If even those don't fit, I get to drive an hour or so into Maryland to find the few Motherhood Maternity stores that carry plus sizes.
Please god, let that at least work for me. I went into A Pea in the Pod and asked if their largest size was an extra-large or an extra-extra-large. The woman who worked there sort of looked confused and said they only went up to large. I was mortified. I hate the attitude that plus size women should just go up a size when they get pregnant, as though we aren't deserving of adorable shirts that show off a rounded belly. Oh silly me, don't you know that plus size woman don't get pregnant, who would even want to have sex with someone who's (gasp) overweight? And how can you tell if it's a cute prego belly, or just gross rolls of fat? I'm joking, but only sort of. It's hard not to feel that way when already nothing fits and I'm barely pregnant.
I had my sister with me for moral support and fashion advice while shopping, and that helped a lot. I didn't get hung up on whether something looked unflattering (I have no fashion instinct, whatsoever), because I knew she would tell me if it was, which meant I could just focus on whether I liked it or not. We found some great shirts that would leave me room for a month or two until the weather gets too cold, plus a great dress to wear to our friends' wedding in two months. I'll want some cute satiny ballet flats and a nice wrap, and it'll be totally perfect!! But no pants yet. *insert emo sigh here* The belly bands that everybody raves about as a way to keep wearing your pants longer? Yeah...apparently they only come in S/M or M/L, which I am not. In the slightest sense possible.
Little One is blueberry sized now, so we'll start working our way through the produce department. I can't really think of any fruit that's bigger than a pineapple, but I think if you consider the leaves, that'll be close-ish enough. And thanks to my early followers, you make me feel so special!
Ultrasound is on Monday. We'll find out if we're having twins (which would sort of explain the sudden growth issue) and confirm the due date. I guess this sort of also implicitly covers the unhappy possibility of a molar (which could also explain early growth) or ectopic pregnancy. I'll feel so much better when we've had a chance to see Little One. I think everything will finally seem real in every way, rather than just the tired queasy way.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Week 6 - Explosion is Imminent
I am now 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant (but who's counting?) and well, there's no mistaking the fact that I'm pregnant now. This nausea thing? Yeah, I totally underestimated that. Earlier this week it was just a couple hours in the morning and a bit around 4pm, plus any time that I was too hot. Kind of annoying, though nothing I couldn't handle.
But now? I've been feeling queasy almost the whole time since waking up. I'm sick of eating ginger cookies. I cannot stomach another saltine. I still haven't even figured out what appeals to me, so I can at least get some calories for Little One. Bleh. Even foods that are initially okay-sounding have ended up not being so great. I'm looking at you, popcorn.
I had been walking in the mornings but I'm not getting any exercise because I don't really want to go out in hot humid weather and get even sweatier. If heat makes me nauseous, why on earth would I want to get hot and nasty in the morning when I'm already nauseous? I'm barely even getting in some basic stretches and core strengthening stuff from my days in physical therapy. Perhaps I will try to get out and walk later. You know, when I stop wanting to puke.
Luckily, there has been no puking. YET. Actually that's not true, I puked a little bit when I triggered my gag reflex while brushing my tongue, but that's kind of normal for me already. Doesn't count. I seriously considered making myself puke last night after eating too much pizza. The indigestion was God awful. And after feeling just as bad having a little bit of pizza for lunch (with a huge container of salad), I've decided pizza is off the menu for me for the next few weeks. I'll see how I feel later on, but dear lord, I do NOT want to repeat that one again in the near future.
Little One is about the size of a nail head. Whatever that means, you cryptic pregnancy advice book, you. Clearly they have never been to a hardware store and been lost among all the nails and screws you can get. At least I know it's smaller than a blueberry, since that comes next week.
On a happy note, my boobs don't hate me as much anymore. Don't get me wrong, they're still unhappy, but now I can handle contact without screaming. Most of the time, at least. Also, I love my workplace. I told my managers and they're all totally happy and excited and supportive. It helps that they all have children of their own (or at least enjoy being the super awesome aunt) so they don't look at this as "great, now we have to find someone to do her job for a few months while she takes leave." or something like that.
I am dying to go to my ultrasound in 10 days and see a heartbeat. and see if there are 2 heartbeats. *squeee*
But now? I've been feeling queasy almost the whole time since waking up. I'm sick of eating ginger cookies. I cannot stomach another saltine. I still haven't even figured out what appeals to me, so I can at least get some calories for Little One. Bleh. Even foods that are initially okay-sounding have ended up not being so great. I'm looking at you, popcorn.
I had been walking in the mornings but I'm not getting any exercise because I don't really want to go out in hot humid weather and get even sweatier. If heat makes me nauseous, why on earth would I want to get hot and nasty in the morning when I'm already nauseous? I'm barely even getting in some basic stretches and core strengthening stuff from my days in physical therapy. Perhaps I will try to get out and walk later. You know, when I stop wanting to puke.
Luckily, there has been no puking. YET. Actually that's not true, I puked a little bit when I triggered my gag reflex while brushing my tongue, but that's kind of normal for me already. Doesn't count. I seriously considered making myself puke last night after eating too much pizza. The indigestion was God awful. And after feeling just as bad having a little bit of pizza for lunch (with a huge container of salad), I've decided pizza is off the menu for me for the next few weeks. I'll see how I feel later on, but dear lord, I do NOT want to repeat that one again in the near future.
Little One is about the size of a nail head. Whatever that means, you cryptic pregnancy advice book, you. Clearly they have never been to a hardware store and been lost among all the nails and screws you can get. At least I know it's smaller than a blueberry, since that comes next week.
On a happy note, my boobs don't hate me as much anymore. Don't get me wrong, they're still unhappy, but now I can handle contact without screaming. Most of the time, at least. Also, I love my workplace. I told my managers and they're all totally happy and excited and supportive. It helps that they all have children of their own (or at least enjoy being the super awesome aunt) so they don't look at this as "great, now we have to find someone to do her job for a few months while she takes leave." or something like that.
I am dying to go to my ultrasound in 10 days and see a heartbeat. and see if there are 2 heartbeats. *squeee*
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Success!
Sooooo. This past weekend I was having cramps like nobody's business, to the point that my my husband was worried. We decided that it would be best if I took a pregnancy test Monday morning, just to get an idea of whether these were period cramps or not.
Knowing that it's still a little early in the two week wait to get strong results, I decide when I wake up to pee at 3 in the morning that it would be much better to test in the middle of the night instead of waiting like a normal person for when the alarm goes off. So I do the test, and a faint line shows up!! I have the bathroom light on, and wake up my husband to tell him (which he apprarently wasn't fond of me for. then he got over it.) and then I giggle and crawl back into bed and not get back to sleep.
Those cramps? Apparently Braxton-Hicks can make an appearance already. I am not amused, Little One. You had better be awfully damn cute. ;)
Even better my sister is visiting from California in 2 weeks! She's going to come with us to the first ultrasound.
So yes, April 8th. We are thrilled. My mom cried. His mom cried. And now my mom is shopping for baby clothes. Fun! For now we're really keeping it just between us and our parents. I'd love to be able to tell some of the extended family, but, well, let's just say news travels really fast. For anyone reading this that I see on a regular basis (and you know who you are), I'd appreciate keeping it hush-hush for now. I'm not quite ready to make a big announcement just yet and then (God forbid) have something go wrong. I just couldn't handle it.
So, now that we're not facing infertility anymore, I'll probably be transitioning this space to be a record of my pregnancy and make it a little more open to people who know us IRL. Bear with me as I clean some things up a bit. Like the bits about "sex is so much fun" lest my grandmas have simultaneous heart attacks.
Knowing that it's still a little early in the two week wait to get strong results, I decide when I wake up to pee at 3 in the morning that it would be much better to test in the middle of the night instead of waiting like a normal person for when the alarm goes off. So I do the test, and a faint line shows up!! I have the bathroom light on, and wake up my husband to tell him (which he apprarently wasn't fond of me for. then he got over it.) and then I giggle and crawl back into bed and not get back to sleep.
Those cramps? Apparently Braxton-Hicks can make an appearance already. I am not amused, Little One. You had better be awfully damn cute. ;)
Even better my sister is visiting from California in 2 weeks! She's going to come with us to the first ultrasound.
So yes, April 8th. We are thrilled. My mom cried. His mom cried. And now my mom is shopping for baby clothes. Fun! For now we're really keeping it just between us and our parents. I'd love to be able to tell some of the extended family, but, well, let's just say news travels really fast. For anyone reading this that I see on a regular basis (and you know who you are), I'd appreciate keeping it hush-hush for now. I'm not quite ready to make a big announcement just yet and then (God forbid) have something go wrong. I just couldn't handle it.
So, now that we're not facing infertility anymore, I'll probably be transitioning this space to be a record of my pregnancy and make it a little more open to people who know us IRL. Bear with me as I clean some things up a bit. Like the bits about "sex is so much fun" lest my grandmas have simultaneous heart attacks.
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